A Word of Hope

Photo by Kim Lance (Used by permission. Click image for more of Kim’s work)

At the suggestion of a friend, I joined a Facebook group for grieving parents. When I looked through the posts of the hundreds of people on the page, my heart broke. Post after post of terrible pain… I am so very sorry for their losses.

Many of these precious parents have recently lost their children. Their grief is very raw – just like a new physical wound. They can’t touch it, can’t move, and are frozen by it.

Not long after my daughter died I remember someone saying to me that my grief was new, raw. I didn’t understand how they could think that my grief would ever be any different than it was then. Now I understand.

No, it never goes away, but it does manifest itself differently. It always hurts, but as the years go by, you get relief here and there and you even begin to laugh again. This is unimaginable during the first months after your loss. You can hardly breathe, much less see any joy in the black hole of long, terrible years stretched out before you.

For those of you in that dark place, I want to offer you a light to warm you. I want to give you a glow of hope, and the knowledge that you are not alone.

Not only are there countless grieving parents, there are grieving spouses, and siblings, and friends. Cling to those around you who understand and can hold you up.

But more than that cling to your Heavenly Father who also had to watch His child die. He is the One who knows exactly how you feel and He is the One who can help.

My friend, the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the memory of your loved one is to keep on taking that next breath. Keep on going to the grocery store, keep on doing laundry, playing golf, whatever the next thing to do is.

Keep on doing it knowing that your Heavenly Father is taking the best care of your loved one. You see I know that my daughter is happier now than she has ever been. I know that she is shining in the love that God is showering on her. I know that she will never, ever have to suffer any pain or anguish again.

Just keep reminding yourself that your loved ones are not gone. They just live somewhere else now. That’s the truth.

You will see them again and it will be a joyous reunion. Until then, let someone comfort you. Let someone love you, and reach out to someone like you who needs a friend right now.

I love all of you who read this blog, and I pray for you often. Today may you feel the love of your Heavenly Father in Christ Jesus, and may you be comforted through and through by His Word of Hope, dear friend.

Phyllis Keels

PhyllisKeels.com

Wisdom from a Son

This past weekend, when I resisted putting up a Christmas tree again (for the 4^th year in a row since my daughter died), my son said something very wise. He said, “We can’t stop living just because one of us is not here anymore.”

Wow. We never cease to learn from our children, if we’re willing to admit that we don’t know everything. I can tell you that I agreed with him right then and there.

As we put up our tree and all the Christmas decorations from Alan’s and Julie’s childhood (and some from mine), I realized how selfish I have been these last few years. I had been focusing on what would help me during the holidays. I had not even considered that my son needed something completely different. He needed to carry on the traditions we had shared with Julie.

All I wanted to do was jump over every holiday that came. I wanted to avoid any painful memories of what we had shared with Julie. Not that I wanted to avoid Julie’s memory. She’s always in my mind. I just didn’t want to rip open the deep wound of her death if I could avoid it, and holidays are the worst for that.

My son, on the other hand, said that we should honor her by continuing to do the things we used to enjoy together. For him, that brought healing. The healing he had been longing for became very evident to me as I watched him hang Julie’s ornaments and talk about his memories of her. It was a real awakening for me.

I hadn’t known. I really had not seen what he needed until that moment. I’m so glad the Lord let me see, because I realized then that I needed to show my son he is more important to me than my grief, or my comfort, or my happiness.

I also realized that during the past several holidays, I had been neglecting my living child and giving preference to the dead one. Even though we always want to honor the life of our loved one who is gone, we must even more take care of the loved ones who are still here.

It was a valuable piece of wisdom for me to be given, and I’m very grateful that the Lord allowed my dear son to be the one to deliver it to me. Our Heavenly Father never stops working for our good.

He never stops showering blessings, healing, comfort and love all over us. What a gracious Father we have, who takes our ashes of grief, lets us help one another, and then gives us a crown of beauty that, one day, we can place at the feet of Jesus, our Faithful King. Phyllis Keels

Dwelling on the Name

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

For a couple of weeks, leading up to Thanksgiving, I could feel it coming on. I just couldn’t make myself face it. I just didn’t want to go there. I would have paid money to skip over not only Thanksgiving, but Christmas too.

I call it “the empty chair” factor.

Even if we don’t leave an empty chair at the table where our loved one used to sit, it’s still there in our minds. We still have to look at the huge, gaping hole left by the ones we love who have died. Holidays make that so much worse.

I’m not sure why those days and seasons are worse, except that they are full of traditions. We have a lifetime of memories – celebrations with the people we’ve lost.

For me, going through a holiday is like having to watch Old Yeller. I know it’s going to make me cry. I know it’s going to break my heart. Again.

Thinking about all the sweet memories of my daughter and my dad; remembering their favorite foods, remembering – just remembering…

Even though I tried to avoid dealing with the hurt I knew would come with Thanksgiving, it came anyway. It always does.

But, I did something different this year. Something the Lord prepared for me to do; something that gave me such peace that I cannot describe its sweetness. The day before Thanksgiving, and on Thanksgiving Day, I thought about the name of the Lord.

I’ve been studying Hebrew words and letters lately, and I learned that the Lord’s name YHWH (what we pronounce as YAHWEH) is so much deeper than we could have imagined.

The Hebrew letters are Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey. Because each letter in ancient Hebrew was a picture, each letter has a profound meaning. When you put them together, they mean even more.

Yud means arm, hand, and work.

Hey means look, reveal or behold!

Vav means tent peg or tent spike.

I see Jesus in all those and in the whole. I see that He is the arm of the Lord. He is the finished work of God the Father. I see the nails of the cross in the tent spike. I see that Jesus is the tent (tabernacle) of God. I see that Jesus is God revealed.

There is more. There is always more that the Lord has yet to reveal about Himself, even in His name. Imagine how much more there is in the rest of His Word!

As I went about the days around Thanksgiving, whenever I felt the sadness of missing my dad and my daughter, I would spell out the name of the Lord. Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey. I thought about what each letter means, and how magnificent the Lord is. I chose to dwell on His name.

As I did this, I would thank Him for letting me even know His name. I would thank Him for loving me, and revealing Himself to me.

This is not a formula for happiness, my friend. This is praise to the Living God. When we praise Him and agree with who He is, He does something so generous. He turns our praise into joy that warms and comforts us. He turns our praise into peace that cannot be shaken, because it is deep and smooth, gentle and strong at the same time. Just like He is.

Did I have joy that day? Oh, I had such joy! While I never stop missing my dad and my daughter, I had joy because my Heavenly Father reminded me that my loved ones are at His table, and that my joy cannot even be compared with theirs right now!

I made the choice to thank Him simply for who He is, and that He loves me. Oh, how He loves me!

You can be assured of this, dear friend: He loves you too! He loves you with an everlasting love that will never, ever be shaken. And He has done all the work necessary in Jesus to make His love available to you. All you need to do is to rest in His love.

Take time to rest by dwelling on His name – the name of the One who dwells on you.

Phyllis Keels